Friday, November 8, 2013

when good things happen to you there’s a noise inside your heart that grows and you can never push that light away 

in my dream i was looking to see if you were watching me

I only feel important when you talk to me. I can never sit still I think of all the ways my starving hands will touch you.

I let my eyes walk all over your skin. I let you sleep inside me and interrupt my breath.
If I should be awake and dreaming of you, that is where I am hung.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

you always feel like there’s a fire you need to put out and there's a spring that dies every year and you always bury yourself in it when it goes. you wake up and you can feel the sight of things but when they left you drowning you could set out the placement of your heart and finally it felt like someone was talking back to you. when your eyes are full, things seem still and you have ran circles around your own body so many times that every day is in the terms of forever. anywhere you go, you could close your eyes and the room is still breathing inside of your hands. you move through collections of strangers and in the midst of all of them you taste your heart and cannot grip anything. you cant stay anywhere and there is always a flame inside of you that is making others suffer.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

imagine not having a face and not having anything to look at when you are talking to one another. you could both sit comfortably. when someone would tell you about the person they like you could use all the sounds they make to picture the sweat on their hands when they see their favorite person and i think saying goodbye would feel a lot less like knives in your stomach. sounds seem less real and more nurturing, i think. 
hysteria is hiding inside of everyone you meet
the birds are so happy this morning they’re singing from their belly and they sound so excited i wish i could tell them how much they mean to me
one day my breathing will end and the room you stand in will turn to black

Monday, July 8, 2013

I want for all things to grow inside of me
to grip the tiles of my skin
and spread until they settle inside

I want to be a garden
filled with the disease of fragrance
and watch swarms of people hang on the skirt of my harvest
I'd like to watch them bury their faces inside of me

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

I either feel it or I dont. If I close my mouth, I can feel the beating of my chest keep pushing against me. I want to follow that sound into somewhere that grows.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

If I dont wake up tomorrow well then at least the fire in my head has been put out
sometimes talking to people feels like you're hanging from your ankles

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

  • lay your hands above someones chest- carry them that way when you inhale and let them carry you every time they exhale
  • if you want to tell someone you love them you have to hold them for the rest of your life
  • try to see how long it takes for the smile on someone's face to come off
  • open your mouth to the sun
  • look up at night and hold your breath for as long as you can
  • when you're done holding your breath close your eyes 
  • watch fire dance
  • the person walking past you is made of light and if you look at them, it might spill from their eyes
  • your body is beyond anything that has happened to you
  • stop letting the inside of you die 
  • if your mind is a wound, keep touching it and it will blossom and turn into a new whole
  • your mind is a carousel and its manipulating you

I hate seeing my reflection in other people.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

  • how to define yourself completely
  • how to feel your heart completely
  • how to change your life completely
  • how to discuss things completely
  • how to manage yourself completely
  • how to take people out of your life completely
  • how to find yourself completely
  • how to change your thoughts completely
  • how to lose your feelings completely
  • how to lose your body completely
  • how to disappear completely
my skin heals itself the second it feels pain, im not sure why my mind doesn't follow the same pattern

Saturday, June 1, 2013

you put your head into things that you dont understand because you want to lose the feeling of your body

Tuesday, May 14, 2013


mother, in any situation I collapse into myself
the lining of your eyes justifies nothing but the composure of my concrete body and when they undertook your organs did you reject your skin
were you ever so unkind and absent and did you regret drinking your heart the way you are trained to do when they assert your innocence into the way you bend at the knee and worship the feeling of god in between your hands, and what did you see rupture when you sought me bloom from your own skin
what did you see all those times when you stood alone and unable to recognize your own breaking body

what if I dont wake up tomorrow
then what?
when I'm nervous sometimes I see my hands begin to caress and grasp the life out of one another and speak in movements I don't know how to read. I go back and forth until I feel sick.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

I went inside the ocean by myself. It was really cold like the temperature you think that could be used to torture someone. I liked how cold it makes me because after a while, one by one, each of your limbs stops going against it. It feels nice to be in something that isn't so easy to fall into. the water has to hold its patience long enough for you to walk into it. I like to walk slowly into the water. I also like to jump into it. I like not knowing her. I was in there for an hour looking straight ahead and her body is always settling into itself and returning back to her. I wished I could have that longing pulse that the ocean has living inside her- as if every crash against the shore is her trying to shed her own skin.
I don't understand her so I have to keep ripping her open.
I like to rush into her like we’re friends that haven't seen each other in a while. I think its nice to smile back to the ocean. I don't exactly know what its trying to tell me but I know that when I smile it knows that I know something it doesn't know as well and we play. her water kept pulling me and shoving me back and forth and I jumped into them so they could hit me as hard as they can and I fell a thousand times and it felt like I was eating up some part of life that doesn't get dragged across my lap as much as it should everyday.
the more sun you get at a time, the bigger the pulse of your heart is when you recognize it in your life. I know the ocean’s presence but I want her to figure out the linings of my body.
I want it to part my arms and legs and find the exit out of my concrete skin.
I want the water to breathe inside of my throat. I want to become her.
I want her to eat the parts of me that will long for her when we are both alone after all this has occurred.
I wonder if there is as much a reflection of me inside of the ocean, as there is of it, inside of me

I have to hide the way I feel or my mouth becomes a wound.